Feed The Illiterate

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So.. what happens after they lose?

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Barring ANOTHER fuck up from the COMELEC, the much-awaited, ground breaking, first ever automated elections will start in about 4 days. Regardless of who you’re voting for, it’s pretty obvious that only one candidate will win and the eight others will be on the losing end. Now my question is, what could possibly happen to the people who will lose? First let’s look back at the losers of the 2004 elections.

Fernando Poe Jr was 1.2 million votes away from winning against Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, it was the closest battle since FVR pulled off a hairline victory over Miriam Defensor Santiago in the 1992 elections. What happened after he lost?  7 months after losing the elections, Da King succumbed to multiple organ failures.

Ping Lacson was the darkhorse of the last presidential elections, and had he decided to hold back and give way to Da King, the oppositionists would’ve dethroned teh GMA. After the elections, he reclaimed his seat in the Senate, ran as a re-electionist in 2007 and as of now, he’s prolly somewhere in Somalia or Mozambique sacrificing lambs to the African gods, to stop the ghost of the Dacer-Corbito murder case from haunting him.

Raul Roco was the one I was hoping to win in the last presidential elections and guess what, he lost. And I have a really bad feeling that my candidate is going to suffer the same fate this year. However, I hope my candidate doesn’t suffer the same fate as Mr.Roco had after the elections because about a year and 3 months after the polls, Mr. Roco died because of prostate cancer.

Eddie Villanueva however, remains alive and kick.. err running. After losing the last presidential elections, here he is again hoping that the Filipinos would choose him this time around. Something tells me he’s gonna run again in the 2016 Presidential elections, and the 2022 Presidential Elections and the 2028 Presidential elections.. if he’s still alive by then.

So if you’ve noticed, most of the losers from last year’s elections suffered a bad swing from life. 2 of them are dead already, 1 of them is nowhere to be found and the last one will prolly suffer the same fate as he had the last time. Si GMA kaya, kelan pagttripan ni Lord?

Going back to the topic, we have nine presidentiables this elections, here are the most possible things that will happen to them should they lose the elections..

Noynoy Aquino will still be in the senate if he loses this one. However, CIVIL UNREST daw ang mangyayari e if he doesn’t win. So there goes my prediction for Mr.Aquino, if Noynoy doesn’t win.. expect a foiled Edsa which will result in more falling hair and Kris Aquino going crazy.

Manny Villar much like his political rival, Noynoy Aquino, he will be staying in the Senate if he loses. So what can you expect? A road project here, a road project there and expect more of this in the 2016 elections. And oh, he’ll be a billion richer by then!

Gibo Teodoro he’ll most likely get a spot in the cabinet depends on who wins.. that’s if he doesn’t go on and do sitcoms with Papayaman Edu Manzano in ABS-CBN. And oh, if the next president fails.. expect his supporters to fill the boards with “I told you so” messages. If the next president does well.. well fuck, they’ll still fill the boards with “I told you so” messages.

Joseph Estrada he’ll continue to whine about him getting imprisoned. Nothing new. He’ll prolly get another shot at acting with Ai-Ai and Dionisia and more Arthro commercials.

Dick Gordon he’ll most likely get a cabinet post again regarding on who wins or.. after the elections, he’ll get too depressed for losing and will decide to leave the political arena for good and exchange his political life for more appearances in Moymoy Palaboy videos.

Eddie Villanueva read post above. 2016, 2022, 2028. IT’S GOD’S WILL!!!!

Nicanor Perlas this guy should be the next DENR secretary. If not, he’ll continue to be a relative unknown to the masses and will be forever known as a no-vote joke to your regular tambays.

JC Delos Reyes he might return to Olongapo to break the political dynasty there! How so? He’ll run for MAYOR! Oh shit, I forgot he’s a Gordon too.

Jamby Madrigal.. well, uhm, uh. Forget about it. He’ll (Yes, he) prolly research more on the prices of galunggong before putting it in HIS speeches.

So there you have it. 9 possible scenarios for our aspiring candidates after the elections should they lose. Ikaw, ano sa tingin mo mangyayari sa kanila?

Senseless post I know. We all need a break, tama na yung masyadong seryosong post sa kabila. 😀

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